If Vicious Rumors has as many wins as The Banana Belt, and PMF’s pitchers give up as many as dongs as unBeleaguerable’s, you know what that means.
It must be a whole new season.
So let's provide clear proof, from the first week of the season, that it sure isn't last year anymore:
• The two teams with the best regular season record – Lasorda’s Manicotti and Equipe Roi du Radeau -- never spent one day under .500 all last season. Lasorda’s Manicotti had a losing records by the end of Week One this year.
• unBeleaguerable spent two weeks over .500 last season. They were almost .500 after the first week of this season.
• Poor Man’s Fart played two weeks against The Banana Belt last year and tied once and won once. They played their first week of this season against Banana Belt -- and lost.
• D’Lucious Bitch Pies were the first team in the LOWV to lose fourteen games in Week One last year. This season, it took until Week One for them to lose 14 games.
• Last year as a Fecal Clatterer for half the season, Geoff Jenkins hit three home runs. So of course, he homered three times in the first ten days on The Mothership.
• As the great Editorial Board of the Independent Daily Bugle Monitor reported, Justa Jynie Achermann had made it through over one week managing El Guapo without proclaiming his own sainthood. But he had that happen in the second week of this season.
• On each of the last two Opening Weeks, D’Lucious Bitch Pies has lost exactly 14 categories. In between, they only lost that many categories or more seven times.
• The Snaturals went all last season without losing 15 categories. So what was the first team to lose 15 this year? Who else? The Snaturals.
• Bonomatory Influence won on Opening Day two straight years when it had Woody Williams on the roster. So naturally, they lost their first opener with a Woodyless team that handed out $189 worth of contracts over the winter.
• The Flash hadn't suffered week with more than 13 losses until Week 4 last year. But the Lacey Underalls stuck a 7-13 on them on Opening Week.
• And only five times in the last 22 weeks had multiple expansion teams won in a week. But that happened in the first week this season.
• Bonomatory Influence won their first week against Equipe last year. It took them one week against the Equipe to lose this year.
• Before this year, when he was employed by teams not known as the Mothership and a perpetual free agent, Jeff Suppan made seven starts in Miller Park and lost none of them (5-0, 1.76 ERA). So was there ever any doubt he'd lose his first game in Miller Park after he became a Mothershipper?
• In 62 appearances last year, Jorge Julio never gave up five hits (or more) in any of them. And in his entire career (all 343 games of it), he'd never had a game in which he allowed five hits without getting at least three outs. But what happened in his first game on Poor Man’s Fart? He coughed up a lead in the ninth -- by giving up five hits in 1/3 of an inning.
It must be a whole new season.
So let's provide clear proof, from the first week of the season, that it sure isn't last year anymore:
• The two teams with the best regular season record – Lasorda’s Manicotti and Equipe Roi du Radeau -- never spent one day under .500 all last season. Lasorda’s Manicotti had a losing records by the end of Week One this year.
• unBeleaguerable spent two weeks over .500 last season. They were almost .500 after the first week of this season.
• Poor Man’s Fart played two weeks against The Banana Belt last year and tied once and won once. They played their first week of this season against Banana Belt -- and lost.
• D’Lucious Bitch Pies were the first team in the LOWV to lose fourteen games in Week One last year. This season, it took until Week One for them to lose 14 games.
• Last year as a Fecal Clatterer for half the season, Geoff Jenkins hit three home runs. So of course, he homered three times in the first ten days on The Mothership.
• As the great Editorial Board of the Independent Daily Bugle Monitor reported, Justa Jynie Achermann had made it through over one week managing El Guapo without proclaiming his own sainthood. But he had that happen in the second week of this season.
• On each of the last two Opening Weeks, D’Lucious Bitch Pies has lost exactly 14 categories. In between, they only lost that many categories or more seven times.
• The Snaturals went all last season without losing 15 categories. So what was the first team to lose 15 this year? Who else? The Snaturals.
• Bonomatory Influence won on Opening Day two straight years when it had Woody Williams on the roster. So naturally, they lost their first opener with a Woodyless team that handed out $189 worth of contracts over the winter.
• The Flash hadn't suffered week with more than 13 losses until Week 4 last year. But the Lacey Underalls stuck a 7-13 on them on Opening Week.
• And only five times in the last 22 weeks had multiple expansion teams won in a week. But that happened in the first week this season.
• Bonomatory Influence won their first week against Equipe last year. It took them one week against the Equipe to lose this year.
• Before this year, when he was employed by teams not known as the Mothership and a perpetual free agent, Jeff Suppan made seven starts in Miller Park and lost none of them (5-0, 1.76 ERA). So was there ever any doubt he'd lose his first game in Miller Park after he became a Mothershipper?
• In 62 appearances last year, Jorge Julio never gave up five hits (or more) in any of them. And in his entire career (all 343 games of it), he'd never had a game in which he allowed five hits without getting at least three outs. But what happened in his first game on Poor Man’s Fart? He coughed up a lead in the ninth -- by giving up five hits in 1/3 of an inning.
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