New York, NY – Vive le Roi! Equipe Roi du Radeau may still need an infield, but at least they brought back the guy who can find them one.
Nils "Le Coq" Coq au Vin will return to the team he built into a League of Women Voters contender, he and the team said Monday night in a joint statement. His long-rumored return comes six months after he was fired by Equipe and fled Le Stade in Equipe’s mascot costume to avoid the encamped media.
"As you know, we have spoken frequently during the last 10 weeks," the statement said. "We have engaged in healthy, spirited tête-a-tête about what it will take over the long term for Equipe to remain a great organization and, in fact, become a more effective organization in philosophy, approaches and ideals.
"Ironically, Nil’s departure has brought us closer together in many respects, and, thanks to these conversations, we now enjoy the bonds of fraternite and egalite, as well as a shared vision for the organization's future that did not exist previously. With this vision in place, Nils will return to Equipe as the team’s Premier Consul, extraordinaire et plénipotentiaire."
Nils declined to elaborate on the statement, which also came from principal owner Heath Stowlit. The team would not comment on how Nils will fit into the organization's hierarchy, but Stowlit denied that Nils posed a threat to basic democracy.
Equipe has been operating with Daniel Plainview as the General Manager. But the March, 2008 hiring were overshadowed by persistent rumors of psychological imbalance, reclusive behavior, psychotic outbursts and several shadowy deaths. This culminated in unexplained disappearance of Plainview from the public eye down the stretch, when it is rumored he was personally involved in the bloody death of El Guapo’s owner, J.J. Achermann.
The team was expected to struggle in the absence of Nils’s unique brand of drug-fueled wizardry, and despite a few key acquisitions, it failed to make the playoffs for the second year in a row. In response, the ownership seems intent on rolling the dice on Nils once again, seeing as he was able to lead the team to a third place finish in his inaugural season.
Nils's termination occured after a fortnight of bizarre and inexplicable incidents following the 2007 Spring Training Camp. It was reported widely in the press, that in the aftermath of Equipe’s 12th place finish in 2007, Nils’s penchant for bacchanalian excess and quasi-legal sexual dalliances were generating a lot of friction in the front office. When Nils’s massive gambling debts forced the club’s ownership to sell off the contracts of various players, many thought it was not long before Nils would be out of a job.
Nils proved them right, when he was caught by the night janitor attempting to stuff Stowlit's 12-year old stepson, then an intern with the team, into an overnight FedEx box. Reportedly, Nils claimed when confronted that he was merely trying to trade the young man to Fecal Clatter for a mid-century bottle of Châteauneuf-du-Pape that was "formidable...non, incroyable, oui...incroyable!" He tried to explain via satelitte phone from his self-imposed exile in South East Asia that it was well-known within the league that FC had an affinity for young men and specifically had sent out feelers for a supple, young blond boy with blue eyes. "He told me the day before, that he would, how do you say...ah yes, accept any trade offers at any hour of the day or night, n'importe quo. And what can I say, j'adore le chateau."
Nils went on to admit that his methods were unorthodox, but had he squeezed young master Stowlit into the box with less fuss, he'd certainly wouldn't have regretted it as the wine is extremely rare.
Nils, a native of Algeria, served in the French Resistance and the Algerian Revolution before finding baseball. He began his career as an intern for the King Faisal Babies, a perennial contender in the Algerian Winter League. Nils went on to a front office positions with the Hiroshima Toyo Carp and the Hokkaido Nippon Ham Fighters in Japan, before rising to assistant GM for the Thailand Tobacco Monopoly in 2001. Nils joined Equipe as its first GM in 2006. On March 17, Nils belied a newspaper report that he had been fired and snuck out of the building moments later dressed as the team’s mascot – the Burger King.
Nils "Le Coq" Coq au Vin will return to the team he built into a League of Women Voters contender, he and the team said Monday night in a joint statement. His long-rumored return comes six months after he was fired by Equipe and fled Le Stade in Equipe’s mascot costume to avoid the encamped media.
"As you know, we have spoken frequently during the last 10 weeks," the statement said. "We have engaged in healthy, spirited tête-a-tête about what it will take over the long term for Equipe to remain a great organization and, in fact, become a more effective organization in philosophy, approaches and ideals.
"Ironically, Nil’s departure has brought us closer together in many respects, and, thanks to these conversations, we now enjoy the bonds of fraternite and egalite, as well as a shared vision for the organization's future that did not exist previously. With this vision in place, Nils will return to Equipe as the team’s Premier Consul, extraordinaire et plénipotentiaire."
Nils declined to elaborate on the statement, which also came from principal owner Heath Stowlit. The team would not comment on how Nils will fit into the organization's hierarchy, but Stowlit denied that Nils posed a threat to basic democracy.
Equipe has been operating with Daniel Plainview as the General Manager. But the March, 2008 hiring were overshadowed by persistent rumors of psychological imbalance, reclusive behavior, psychotic outbursts and several shadowy deaths. This culminated in unexplained disappearance of Plainview from the public eye down the stretch, when it is rumored he was personally involved in the bloody death of El Guapo’s owner, J.J. Achermann.
The team was expected to struggle in the absence of Nils’s unique brand of drug-fueled wizardry, and despite a few key acquisitions, it failed to make the playoffs for the second year in a row. In response, the ownership seems intent on rolling the dice on Nils once again, seeing as he was able to lead the team to a third place finish in his inaugural season.
Nils's termination occured after a fortnight of bizarre and inexplicable incidents following the 2007 Spring Training Camp. It was reported widely in the press, that in the aftermath of Equipe’s 12th place finish in 2007, Nils’s penchant for bacchanalian excess and quasi-legal sexual dalliances were generating a lot of friction in the front office. When Nils’s massive gambling debts forced the club’s ownership to sell off the contracts of various players, many thought it was not long before Nils would be out of a job.
Nils proved them right, when he was caught by the night janitor attempting to stuff Stowlit's 12-year old stepson, then an intern with the team, into an overnight FedEx box. Reportedly, Nils claimed when confronted that he was merely trying to trade the young man to Fecal Clatter for a mid-century bottle of Châteauneuf-du-Pape that was "formidable...non, incroyable, oui...incroyable!" He tried to explain via satelitte phone from his self-imposed exile in South East Asia that it was well-known within the league that FC had an affinity for young men and specifically had sent out feelers for a supple, young blond boy with blue eyes. "He told me the day before, that he would, how do you say...ah yes, accept any trade offers at any hour of the day or night, n'importe quo. And what can I say, j'adore le chateau."
Nils went on to admit that his methods were unorthodox, but had he squeezed young master Stowlit into the box with less fuss, he'd certainly wouldn't have regretted it as the wine is extremely rare.
Nils, a native of Algeria, served in the French Resistance and the Algerian Revolution before finding baseball. He began his career as an intern for the King Faisal Babies, a perennial contender in the Algerian Winter League. Nils went on to a front office positions with the Hiroshima Toyo Carp and the Hokkaido Nippon Ham Fighters in Japan, before rising to assistant GM for the Thailand Tobacco Monopoly in 2001. Nils joined Equipe as its first GM in 2006. On March 17, Nils belied a newspaper report that he had been fired and snuck out of the building moments later dressed as the team’s mascot – the Burger King.
