A Message to Mothership?

San Francisco, CA -- Apparently, a listener did not take kindly to something he heard on the radio. It appears a bizarre and frightening message has been sent to renowned shock-jock Mike Jones.

Shortly after business hours, the Loose Lips night janitor, Jim Achermann, came across a suspicious package addressed to L.L. Editor-in-Chief, Inhersons Pooper.

Achermann, unauthorized to open any mail since his privileges were suspended in the wake of the now infamous "Barnyard Bros" imbroglio, quickly contacted the local authorities and Pooper.

After the Bay Area Bomb Squad (BABS) declared the package "fabulously safe", Pooper opened the envelope to discover an unsigned cryptic note (see inset above, click to enlarge) and a video cassette (see inset below, click to play).

The note contained a veiled threat directed at LOWV radio shock jock, Mike Jones who is known for his off-kilter humor, mid-western parochialism and phlegmatic delivery. Composed using cut out magazine and newspaper clippings, authorities were unable to trace its origin. However, the frequent use of slightly soiled Dan Shaughnessy columns indicates the note may have originated in the Boston metro area. Many New Englanders find Shaughnessy's columns softer and more pliable than most conventional brands of toilet paper.

The video contained what appeared to be Japanese characters, but staff translators have been unable to decipher much beyond a string of phrases, including: "family", "hostage", "revenge", "disembowelment", "ritualized" and "bloody death."

The authorities and the L.L. staff are puzzled by the missive and seek the public's help in translating the remaining text and identifying its intent. If you have any information please contact the staff at L.L. immediately.