San Francisco, CA -- As rampant speculation swirled around Equipe’s executive office as to whether the long time GM was on the hot seat, La Grande Moustache exhibited his trademark Gallic resolve with what may turn out to be an eleventh hour trade. In the late hours of Monday night, Equipe and Mothership agreed to a four-player trade involving rookie phenom Josh Hamilton and veteran slugger Carlos Delgado.
Equipe agreed to send Josh Hamilton and Lyle Overbay to Mothership in exchange for Carlos Delgado and David DeJesus, with the expansion team agreeing to eat $4m on Delgado’s exorbitant $17m contract.
Nils commented on the trade as being fair and balanced. Noting that while he loved the raw potential of Hamilton and the consistency of Overbay (whom he inexplicably referred to affectionately as “mon petit Chou Chou”), he felt the team needed a shake up after the slow start to the season.
Mothership’s GM, Mike Jones, was unavailable for comment at press time as he had accompanied Shipmates Kalil Greene and Carlos Silva to a Hilary Duff concert at MSG.
Delgado was not surprised by the news.
“That punk ass, excuse me…pardon my language, [Mike] Jones has been putting my ass out on the trading block for weeks now. He never hid the fact he was disappointed with my start. I mean, who wouldn’t be, I’m batting .187. But, hell, I didn’t have to hear about it on the radio. That’s just disrespectful.”
Hamilton, on the other hand, seemed somewhat out of sorts when he received the news.
“Wait…what? I’m going where? [sniff] When? Damn. [sniff] Alright, I got to sort some things out before I head over there. [sniff] You know, make sure my people know where I’m at and such. I got things going on here, and you know my shit is straight now. HOT DAMN! Brooklyn here I come. I’m the king of the [expletive] world!” Hamilton rambled, oscillating between elation, disappointment and confusion. All the while, his foot tapped furiously on the floor, seemingly keeping beat to the symphony of his emotions.
Hamilton later offered to sell his “lucky bat” for a "sawbuck", claiming he forgot his wallet that morning and really needed the cash to call his sick grandmother and give "him" the news. Subsequent research revealed both of Hamilton’s grandmothers died in the later half of the 1990s.
Overbay’s initial reaction was relief, until he heard the details of the deal.
“To be honest, I’ll be glad to get out of Equipe’s lockerroom. No disrespect to them or how they do their thing…I mean they generally win games, but some weird stuff went down. Also, I was getting sick of Josh [Hamilton] always pawning off my gear to call his grandmother. I realize she’s sick and all, but he could at least ask before…WAIT, what? He’s coming to the Ship too? Oh…I see. Well, I’m sure we both just needed a fresh start on a new team. Right? That usually helps with these sorts of things.”
DeJesus seemed the most distraught by the news. The Brooklyn native seemed genuinely hurt that his boyhood team had sent him across the country despite repeated assurances from Jones that he was definitely not on the market. While, he refused to comment on the trade, his cousin and self-proclaimed manager Lil Mickey was more than willing to go on the record.
“Yeah, my boy won’t too happy bout it at first, you know, being as he’s leaving Brooklyn—in the HOUSE, represent!—and all, but he realizes this could be a big thing. That team all fagged out in Cali, but they always making runs at the title. He gonna bust ass and be the number one stunna at leadoff. No doubt. For reals. Peace. Out.”
Team captain, Delmon Young had a measured response to the trade announcement.
“Dat’s cool. I guess. Didn’t like that Hamilton guy anyways. Always tweakin and hangin round my locker all geeked out and [expletive]. Hella crazy. I do got one thing to say doh, DeJesus got a good thing going and all, but if he even think he gonna take my leadoff spot…hell, Ima gonna choke that bitch ass out.”
In the end, this may be the last move by Mssr. Coq au Vin. While he has weathered many storms before, there are reports circulating that ownership can not stomach the losing skid—especially, considering Equipe was beaten by both expansion teams during that streak.
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