Sunday, April 1, 2007

Matsusaka Hears Jones and Vows "Fukusyu"

BREAKING NEWS: Japanese import and Cy Young contender Daisuke Matsuzaka responded violently to a percieved slight by rival team The Mothership's GM, Mike Jones made on the new LOWV radioshow.

Jones reportedly called out Matsuzaka as overrated and due to have a worse season than Japanese rival import, Kei Igawa. Jones went on to disagree with co-hosts Ricardo Maltaban and Christopher Sahl, guaranteeing that Matsuzaka would win less than 14 game. Jones violently disagreed with Maltaban's assertion that Matsuzaka will be the next Sandy Koufax and Sahl's assertion that he would win at least 15 games.

Matsuzaka when informed of the slight by his translator, returned to his locker in silence, donned traditional samurai gear and left the facility without comment. The only clue as to his intentions was an elaborate caligraphy symbol he slashed into the clubhouse wall. This symbol was later deciphered as "fukusyu," or revenge.

Hours later at The Mothership's headquarters 27 were dead, another 6 injured. Fortunately, due to a serendipituous trip to the bathroom, Jones managed to escape harm. Unfortunately, Matsuzaka seems deadset on finding and dismembering Jones and his entire family. In response to this threat, Jones has relocated to an undisclosed location. Authorities are on full alert.

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