POWER RANKINGS

Another week, another power rankings. Some major movements in this one. As with last week, these numbers represent the standings of the LOWV if it were more of a rotisserie league, meaning that the offensive and pitching numbers are turned into raw numbers and the teams are ranked according to those totals. We have also provided the current place in the standings and the current strength of schedule based on the raw numbers.

TOP DOGS
1.) THE LACEY UNDERALLS (2nd Place/11th SOS/115H/137P = 269)
Although still the bee's knees, LU suffered a fairly humiliating loss to the Flash this past week. That offensive stinker must have left Mama Jams questioning the focus of her boys. Should Mama J have traded away McClouth when she had a chance? Was she too infatuated with that little cherubic blond? Still, even with that setback, LU sports the third best offense and, by quite a margin, the best staff in the league. As far as we are concerned, they are still the tits.

2.) LASORDA's MANICOTTI (3rd Place/12th SOS/115H/128P = 258)
We had a feeling that the sting of last week's loss would jump start the LM. We almost felt sorry for the Snatties getting slated in the butcher block, but c'est la vie. The bargain basement pitching staff has moved up to second spot in point production and is really putting it together for LM causing frustrating for their opponents. A Cliff Lee CG, SHO was just the most recent icing on the cake. This team will start to hit closer to their capabilities soon, and that's scary considering they're "only" the third best offense in the game right now. Our only concern, talk about an easy schedule...wake us up when you play a contender, Tommy.

CONTENDERS
3.) FECAL CLATTER (1st Place/13th SOS/128H/93P = 237)
Seems a little low to place the first place team here at third in the power rankings, right? Well, consider it punishment for beating up on the dregs of the league. Now, that's not to say the numbers are completely hollow, as FC continues its unprecedented march to victory in just about every offensive category week in and week out. They are still the best in the biz when it comes to hitting, no doubt, however, there are some cracks in the armor. Those weekly totals are sinking, ever so slightly, and the gulf between FC and the production of other team's no longer seems insurmountable. Time will tell whether it was just a fast start out of the gate by FC, or the dawn of a new era for Christopher David Sahl. Other good news? The pitching staff has started to show some life. Yes, we are looking at you Mssr. Santana.

4.) THE MOTHERSHIP (5th Place/14th SOS/122H/100P = 233)
Our dark horse keeps on rising, as tBB becomes just yet another notch on its lengthy belt. The offense keeps on cranking and we keep on laughing. Who knew an offensive juggernaut could be driven by a collection of misfit 2Bers? Perverse. Anyways, normally, we would be concerned about Mikey's boys benefiting from the easiest schedule in the league, but we've noticed that he has trouble with public criticism...so we'll lay off our resident idiot savant. I keed, I keed.

5.) D'LUCIOUS BITCH PIES (4th Place/3rd SOS/94H/113P = 230)
Put up one of his worst offensive weeks of the season, yet still managed to squeeze out a victory. That my friends is the sign of a go getta. Somehow, the DLBP has managed to face the third best schedule and best the majority of them. He's got a pitching staff that will melt your face and make your eyes bleed and a hitting staff powered by our favorite love guru, Manny Ramirez.

DARK HORSE
6.) EQUIPE ROI DU RADEAU (6th Place/2nd SOS/77H/127P = 226)
Curtis "Baseball Jesus" Granderson didn't waste anytime reminding everyone why ERdR spent weeks praying for the speedy recovery of their messiah. They were not disappointed, as Baseball Jesus took the field on Tuesday and in the short week remaining managed to complete the LOWV cycle, blasting two home runs, a triple, a pair of doubles, several singles and scoring a half dozen runs. Oh, and those Carlos Quentin and Casey Kotchman guys were pretty good, too. Now, if the offense can continue the upward trajectory -- it has climbed from the cellar up to mediocre in a week -- and complements the top notch ERdR pitching staff, this team could really make some noise. Biggest problems so far have been a grueling schedule and a rash of unfortunate incidents and accidents.

OUTSIDE LOOKING IN
7.) POOR MAN'S FART (7th Place/6th SOS/92H/83P = 191)
PMF has slogged it out week in and week out against some of the toughest teams in the league, and took advantage of a much deserved break in the schedule. While the matchup remained close down the stretch, solid pitching and hitting peripherals and a HR explosion drove the PMF over unB this past week -- and probably maintained PMF's sanity. We are still concerned about the sheer number of injuries that PMF is suffering through and the sluggish start to the offense, but it appears that PMF may be turning the corner on the later.

8.) THE FLASH (9th Place/6th SOS/86H/88P = 188)
Winner of the biggest upset of the week, the league's leader in first baseman finally saw that pay off. An offensive explosion it was not, as LU still managed to win the power categories, but Flash showed off a renewed patience at the plate and made solid contact all week. On the pitching end, Flash managed to work his bullpen and a series of ground ball pitchers to win saves and HRs given up. Smart managing.

THE CELLAR DOOR
9.) SNATURALS (11th Place/5th SOS/73H/70P = 157)
Gotta feel for the Snats, not only does he return incredibly hung over and sun-burned from the Big Easy, but he is served with a shellacking as well. Jimmy Beans' squad has faced one of the tougher schedules this season and his record bears this out. The team isn't doing too badly when it comes to production, it just seems like they can't all get on the same page week in and week out. Now, if Big Papi is really back, that might make up for the fact that he's playing without a catcher...maybe.

10.) UNBELEAGUERABLE (13th Place/3rd SOS/78H/64P = 156)
Lost the grudge match of the season, which has got to sting. An anemic offense and a pitching staff which gave up 8 losses sealed the New Orleans squad's fate. This was not UnB's best effort by any stretch of the imagination. The question is whether that was a result of bad luck, bad prep, or just the perils of rookie inconsistency? Evan Longoria looked great, Billy Butler did not...who knows where the future lies?

11.) EL GUAPO (12th Place/8th SOS/50H/96P = 155)
Poor Guap ran into a freight train this past week and has been seen limping around school, carrying an inflatable donut for his posterior. The worst part for El Guapo was that he put up amazing offensive numbers, number that would have destroyed 12 out of the 14 teams this week, AND all without A-Rod. Oh well, life isn't fair.

12.) THE BANANA BELT (8th Place/8th SOS/71H/69P = 153)
Everyone always asks, "why you hatin' on tBB?" We aren't hating, we're just keeping it real. Right now, tBB's pitching staff has produced some real mediocre numbers. Of course, that is largely due to them being young, injured or in the minors...all of which points to a potentially explosive second half -- or a complete collapse of the dynasty. It's either one or the other, we're not sure. Now, that offense is starting to click...and that scares the bejesus out of us, but it's not there yet. But, we would be lying if we didn't admit that writing this felt a bit like chanting "Bloody Mary" into a mirror on Friday the 13th. When you find our skinned, bloodless corpses hanging from the rafters, you know what happened.

THE BASEMENT
13.) VICIOUS RUMORS (10th Place/1st SOS/52H/56P = 127)
Hardest schedule in the LOWV isn't really a good enough excuse. Those raw numbers don't lie, VR has series issues on both ends of the spectrum, for sure, but there is an argument to be made that much of this is just the unholy culmination of several horrific starts.

14.) BONOMATORY INFLUENCE (14th Place/5th SOS/41H/60P = 112)
Bonomes, Bonomes, Bonomes...the offense is more anemic than Ashley and Mary Kate. The pitching is more anonymous than a bestiality support group. Trades must be made, the wheel must be righted and pointed affirmatively toward the future.