Game-Fixing Scandal Rocks LOWV:Mitchell Commission to Investigate Sahl

Brooklyn, New York – The sports world is talking about the game-fixing scandal rocking the League of Women Voters. The Mitchell Commission has vowed to investigate charges that former Fecal Clatter GM and current LOWV Commissioner Christopher David Sahl rigged the outcome of several baseball games through the use of and threat of violence against players and their families.

The charges stem from the LOWV matchup between Fecal Clatter and Equipe Roi du Radeau during the week of April 30th to May 6th. In Thursday’s installment of the series, Lugo was stationed at the infield position for FC while Daisuke Matsuzaka took the mound for Equipe.

In the span of one inning, Lugo committed several gaffes that led to a 35-pitch, 5-run inning for young Matsuzaka. After Matsuzaka, squeezed by an overzealous home plate umpire, walked the first three batters, Lugo had a routine grounder hit to his right side. Rather than turn the routine double play, Lugo elected to throw out the lead runner at third. On the two subsequent batters, he botched a simple grounder to his left side and a shallow pop up just outside the infield. These blunders caused five runs to score and ended any chance Matsuzaka had at a quality start.

Immediately following the game, Equipe GM Nils Coq au Vin filed a complaint with league officials. However, the league commissioner was unresponsive. Christopher Sahl, the commissioner and former FC GM, called the charges preposterous and baseless.

“The Commissioner’s office is dedicated to providing the most competitive, fair and balanced league in the world. Any charges of impropriety are absurd in the extreme.”

A visibly worn out, yet relieved Lugo made the following statement to the throng of reporters surrounding his locker: “I’ll just be happy to see my family again. I was definitely nervous out there. I can not tell you how much pressure I felt. But, I did what I had to do.” Lugo then quickly boarded the Commissioner’s private Gulfstream. Lugo refused to comment on where he was headed, but sources within FC suggested the plane was headed to Blackwater’s compound in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.


Little is known about Blackwater. Formed in 1997 by Sahl to provide training support to military and law enforcement organizations, it has been accused of being nothing more than a mercenary outfit operating under the color of U.S. authority. Blackwater USA is sometimes described by its critics as "soldiers of fortune."

The Blackwater compound sits on land that was formerly part of the US military base in Guantanamo Bay and contains an imposing military bunker. While the land was officially sold to Blackwater as part of a deal with the US government, Sahl, as CEO and president of the nation’s largest private military and security company often uses it as a private retreat. However, despite its reported use as “hosting corporate retreats”, locals report that American military planes often land on the property in the middle of the night and deposit bound and blindfolded prisoners into the custody of Blackwater’s heavily armed personnel. This has led to the speculation that Lugo’s family is being held hostage as collateral ensuring cooperation.

This is not the first time charges have been leveled against the Commissioner’s office for match fixing. In the heat of the 2006 playoffs, longtime Banana Belt catcher and captain, Victor Martinez, rocked the sports world when he alleged Sahl had threatened his life. Martinez claimed Sahl demanded he “throw the series or he’d be sorry.”

While those charges were never proven, Martinez later left BB and signed with FC for substantially less money. These suspicious circumstances have long fueled speculation that Sahl used ethically questionable tactics to strong-arm opponents, coerce free agent signings and motivate his roster.

The truth may never come to light. However, the Mitchell Commission has vowed to get to the heart of the matter. Many league insiders welcomed the news. One spoke under condition of anonymity, “It would be hard for them to duplicate his combination of baseball knowledge and interests, and his experience with criminal investigations and prosecutions. The guy has investigated and prosecuted dozens and dozens of crimes. I never met a bigger straight arrow.”

Matsuzaka seemed visibly shaken by the news. While he was initially irate at Lugo's inability to field simple ground balls, he seemed to calm down immediately after a brief conversation with a LOWV official. After the whispered conversation, Matsuzaka refused to comment on the matter, but instead chose to deflect attention from it and speak repeatedly about his love for his wife and his hopes to see her again soon.

Regardless of the outcome of the investigation, it is clear that the LOWV will never be the same.