LOWV THISS Report Published

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- This afternoon, The Heidegger Institute of Sports Science published its much anticipated first quarter report on the 2011 League of Women Voters season. The report analyzed the statistical output of the 14 teams, their hypothetical standings in a rotisserie format, and the return on investment for players signed in the 2011 auction. Earlier this week, the LOWV THISS Report was leaked to the Sweet and LOWV Down News Hour, which discussed the results in their May 9, 2011 broadcast.

The Sweet and LOWV Down News Hour:You're Gonna LOWV THISS

Break out your listening trunks and dive into the deep end of the Sweet and LOWV Down. To start this week's epic show, your correspondents first discuss the unpredictable start to the MLB season; investigate Bobby Bonilla's pension plan; show Gloria Allred where the bad man put his bat; voice a new verse to the ballad of Lenny Dykstra; and update the hottest bats and arms races.

Your humble hosts then turn their attention to the LOWV, discussing each matchup from the last week of action: unB collects another trophy; Flash cuts off LM mid-funk; BB races past FC; ERdR and VR chalk up DLBP and Ship; BI sublets the ASL cellar to LU; and Snatty splits Guap's arrow.

Finally, the LOWV Down provides an exclusive sneak preview of the upcoming first quarter statistical report by The Heidegger Institute of Sports Sciene (LOWV THISS) and discuss the oft- surprising rotisserie standings and the implications of imbalanced schedules. You won't want to miss this, as the reporters learn how drastically the statistical standings vary from the current standings.

Got two hours? This epic podcast is the finest LOWV talk you'll find until Mike Jones returns from Lenny Dykstra's scrap metal yard. As always, if you're pressed for time, just skip ahead to listen to these know-nothings sick the war dogs on you, toss that human shield aside and send us a video response from your walled compound.


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The Sweet and LOWV Down News Hour: Intervention in Dodgertown

It's that time again, so sit back and and soak in the Sweet and LOWV Down. This week, the dastardly duo breaks down the last few weeks of baseball: Selig declares martial law in Dodgertown; Mets are asked to SAC up; Bonds raises OBP with free pass; Braun gets rich and weepy; another Red Sox championship tainted; and updates on the hottest bats and arms races.

The hosts then turn their attention to the LOWV, discussing each matchup from the last week of action: LU learns that fortune favors the bold; Flash reacquaints self with earth; it's no rumor, VR is back; unB tests the limits of offensive futility; FC shows Guap where he can put his slider; short-armed BB squeaks by BI; DLBP and Ship lose beauty contest; PMF subprime bubble continues to swell; and Snatty gets an intervention.

Got an hour? This is the finest LOWV talk you'll find until Mike Jones gets back from the candlelight vigil in honor of Ryan Braun's contract extension. As always, if you're pressed for time, just skip ahead to listen to us besmirch you, uncork your slouch and write us a wingeing email.

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The Sweet and LOWV Down News Hour: Ex-Mistress Sweeps the Leg!

Gather round, the Sweet and LOWV Down returns for its long awaited third installment. This week, the crew breaks down the first week of baseball: Manny intentionally walks, the absolute worst case outcome for an affair, Turtle and E to the rescue of the Mets, and early picks for MLB playoffs, MVP, Cy Young and ROY.

The hosts then turn their attention to the LOWV, discussing each matchup from the first week of action. PMF's radical day trading approach pays early dividends; BB opens Lost Ark, melts faces; the Bonoma Touch turns arms to shit; Lasorda catches ARod playing snookie; Snatty visits wrong end of the kill room; unB - sergeant of arms; and Equipe wins 9-9!

Got an hour? This is the finest LOWV talk you'll find until Mike Jones ends his run on Broadway as the lead in Warhorse. As always, if you're pressed for time, just skip ahead to listen to us defame your squad, unbunch your panties and write us a reactionary screed.

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The Sweet and LOWV Down News Hour: On Bended Knee with a Girl Named Nelson

The Sweet and LOWVdown returns for its highly anticipated (by about three GMs) second installment. Spring training storylines are analyzed, injuries are bemoaned and Coco Crisp's weird exploits are related. Is Mike Piazza the white knight owner the Mets need, or just a sketchy paisan with backne? Will Alcides Escobar ever recover from his bug bite?

The hosts then turn their attention to the LOWV, discussing each team in the league. Auction and draft pickups go under the microscope, the Commissioner's Nostradamus-like predictions are decoded, and the hosts give their own crystal-ball view of every team's 2011 finish.

Got two hours? This is the finest LOWV talk you'll find until Mike Jones emerges from the pit of the latest Duncan Sheik tuner. If you're pressed for time, just skip to the part where we discuss your team and defame your GMsmanship, then write an incendiary email to us and call it a day.




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